Hachiman's lament
by justgivingmytwoshekel'sworth
Summary: Hachiman rants on the internet, only to be enlightened by an anonymous. His life is forever changed
1. Chapter 1

One day, Hachiman was eating alone again at his table, he was reading the latest Eromanga released and trying his best to hide his slowing expanding dong. Everyone else were tending to their own business and no one cared about it.

Just then, Hayama walked past Hachiman and saw the explicit content.

What is this degeneracy? Hayama thought to himself.

"Hey Hachiman u want to stay back in school today? Let's socialise and chill for abit."

Hachiman slid the book out of view. He said no because Komachi at home today and he just could not miss the fun and loving sister-brother time.

"Totsuka Saika would be there as well."

"Say no more."

After school, Hachiman remained at his seat, waiting for the "socialising" but in reality he's just waiting for totsuka.

Just then, the door opened. In came Hayama, Totsuka and a few dudes. However, something is amiss. They were clad in burka and were armed with various tools and shiet.

Before Hachiman could react, Hayama grabbed a wooden plank with nails embedded in it and swooped at Hachiman. It hits the side of his face and the excruciating pain left him squirming on the floor.

"This is for the degenerate cartoon porn you were reading earlier on you fucking down syndrome fuckface."

However, that was only the first blow. Hayama striked again, this time hitting Hachiman's back. Hachiman yelped in pain again. Tears of pain began flowing out of his eyes.

The other boys applauded and cheered as Hayama continued to strike at Hachiman's various body parts till his shirt is covered in blood. Then he threw the plank out of the window, hitting and killing a bunch of kids playin' at the playground.

Hachiman thought that the ordeal is finally over. He was expecting them to leave the room.

However, Hayama was not done with him yet. Lifting up his left foot, he started viciously stomping Hachiman, all the time delivering venom which arguably hurt more than the stomping itself.

"Nigga you should be dead why are you still alive? Die motherfucker no one is going to miss you anyways no one likes you in the first place ever since your fucking faggot presence we were hoping that you would just slice your fucking wrist or hang yourself in your room or just eat a motherfucking pill to end you worthless life cos honestly, we are sick and tired of you breathing the same air as us. You are a fucking subhuman scum and you do not fucking deserve your life. Admit it, you are a failure. Look at the fucking amount fuck ups in your life! Drink bleach please you are way too degenerate for redemption and your life has no meaning I'm sure you wanted to kill yourself but you are just too much of a goddamn pussy to do so. End your worthless life and save our gene pool you horny degenerate!"

Just then, Totsuka approached Hachiman. Hachiman thought that Totsuka will end this madness. He teared up, thinking that the angel would heal him and take care of him discreetly after the cheeky cunts leave the scene.

However, Totsuka spat at Hachiman. Then he grabbed the nearest table and smashed right onto his torso.

"I know you were the one who sniffed my gym clothes and tennis rackets and shoe bag and fucking chair like nigga how can one man be so degenerate?"

Hayama, having heard this, was raging deep inside. His righteous self felt like just ending Hachiman's misery. But he regained control of himself and did not take out the AR-47.

Just then, Hayama remembered the ultimate weapon that he brought along. It was his prized heavy-duty taser. He named it Mike Pence.

So he took out Mike Pence out of his bag and started electro-therapying Hachiman.

The voltage was so strong that hachiman's started drooling and pissing himself.

Having satisfied themselves, Hayama, Totsuka and gang left the room. Hachiman staggered and lifted himself up. He was in excruciating pain, and was raging like fuck deep inside. Every step he takes result in his injuries getting worse. Finally, he was able to crawl to the nurse office for treatment. However, the nurse was underpaid and her wage was below the national minimum wage of $15 an hour. So instead of treating Hachiman, she threw him out for staining her rug with his blood.

Fuck.

Left with no choice, Hachiman returned home, still in excruciating pain. At least Komachi would be home, he thought.

However, when he reached home, he witnessed Taishi beating the fuck out of Komachi. No matter how pained he was, he could not just stand back and be a cuck. Else his life would truly be worth nothing and he would be better off dead.

However, when Taishi noticed him, he took out a revolver from his pocket.

"Fucking cunt one step closer I'll blow ya brains out."

Taishi then dashed out of the house because it was a toy revolver and he did not want to witness the wrath of an onii-chan.

Hachiman inspected Komachi's bruises, and Komachi noticed his injuries, and both began crying and drowning in their own sorrow for having such an abusive and fucked up life.

Later that night, Hachiman logged on to the computer. He went to r9k, a haven for intellectual discourse and one of the highest average IQ site.

There, he ranted with a post whose format only a distinguished person of high intellect could decipher.

be me

be autistic high school loner

reads hentai in class, got caught by a chad

apparently, the chad didn't like me reading hentai

after school

chad and his gang beat me up

asking me to kill myself repeatedly

even got BTFO by a tranny

What to do? I am now terrified to going to school because the chad might beat me up anytime now.

On the other end of the world, a self-hating schlomo replied to the thread.

"He's probably Jewish. Just shout 'gas the kikes, race war now!' and he will hopefully run away."

The next day, during assembly, the principal walked in and showed the video to the whole school. "Unfortunately, because the assaulters were in burqas, we could not identify them. Please inform us if you know who they are."

"This is a very serious case, and whoever caught doing this would have to face huge consequences.

Deep inside, the principal know that it was Hayama as he recognises his voice. He kept silent because he could do nothing. Hayama's family could very well purchase the entire school and turn it into a concentration camp.

Back in class.

Hayama shoved Hachiman against the wall, ready to pummel him again.

"Gas the kikes, race war now!" Hachiman shouted at the top of his voice. Everyone turned to stare at him.

Hayama's expression softened.

"Guys! Could he possibly be (ourguy)?"

Hayama then kneeled down in front of Hachiman.

"O aryan brother, I misjudged you! Here, hit me as much as you want, for i have committed an unforgivable sin against my own people. O woe is me!"

The entire class were eyeing Hachiman with newfound respect, they were facing the direction of Hachiman and doing the nazi salute.

"Punish me however you want, mein fellow brethen of the fourth reich."

Any form of punishment is accepted.

Hachiman was still holding a grudge over yesterday, partly because of the assault but mostly because it caused him to miss quality time with komachi.

So he grabbed another classmate's thermoflask and shoved it up Hayama's ass.


	2. Chapter 2

Hachiman's diary:

Today Hayama and i became good friends after i said gas the kikes race war now in front of his face. He wanted me to join the Kool Kids Klub and said to me that from now on i should identify as a national socialist. Suddenly I became popular in my class and best of all Totsuka now allows me to do pervertic stuff to his gym clothes, tennis racket, shoe bag and fucking chair however i please. Life gud.

Earlier that day.

"Arrgghhhhhhhhh!" Hayama cried out as Hachiman shoved the thermoflask into his ass. Hayama is in so much pain. Hachiman, satisfied that punishment has been meted out, pulled out the thermoflask, leaving Hayama with a gaping butthole.

But then the thermoflask hitted hayama's G-spot so he came in his pants. Now he had to go to the nurse's office for a new change of pants.

But then again the nurse had an attitude. Knowing that Hayama was rich, she asked for ten thousand dollars tip. Hayama then took out a wooden plank with nails sticking on it and smashed it into the nurse's face. Ironically the nurse had to go to a hospital after that.

During lunch break, Hachiman congregated with Hayama and some of his skinhead friends. They were feasting on sausage and beer.

"Heil hitler!" Hayama shouted and did a nazi salute at a jewish exchange student walking past. Everyone laughed.

"Oy ved itz anuddah shoah…" The Jewish student freaked out and threw spaghetti all over his clothes.

Everyone laughed again.

Hachiman almost teared up. He had never felt such camaraderie in years.

Just then, Totsuka found a seat and sat together with the skinheads. With everyone from the Kool Kidz Klub present, Hayama, who was actually the president of said club, announced the initiation of Hachiman as a new member.

"Mein brethen, let's welcome our new member of the fourth reich, Hachiman Hikigaya to the club! Hachiman, what do you want us to refer to you as?"

Hachiman was puzzled, so Hayama explained, "we address each other with alt right nicknames. My nickname is Herman Gorilla (pretty bad, I know, but many of us had it worse). What nickname do you want to chose, Hachiman?"

Hachiman thought for a bit.

"Hachimoonman."

"Damn dis nigga sharp af!" The others were impressed by Hachiman's quick-thinking pun.

They then went to the flag pole for a more official initiation. Hayama hoisted the swastika flag up in the sky and they began to sing the nazi anthem. Just then, a gang of students confronted them and attempted to burn the flag. They were fought off by hachiman and gang, but one of them did not run fast enough and was caught by Hayama. He was tied to the flag pole. Then someone fetched a pail of water for waterboarding.

"Say, who the fuck are you, where are you from and why do you want to mess with us?" Hayama roared as he poured water into the person's face.

As they further interrogated the guy, they found out something terrible. There is an NAACP club in school which teaches communist ideologies and spread anti-white rhetorics.

Having gotten the useful information, they released the guy, but not before assaulting him with the ever-reliable wooden plank with nails.

Hachiman ordered an emergency meeting back in the Kool Kidz Klub clubroom. Soon everyone is in the room.

Hachiman was surprised when he spotted yui and yukino in the room. The other two were equally surprised as they always saw Hachiman as a cuck.

"Why. The. Fuck. Am. I. Not. Informed. Of. The. Existence. Of. The. N. A. A. C. P. Club." Hayama shouted, pounding the table every time there is a period.

The whole clubroom fell silent. A few of them were guilty of holding back the information, and they were looking down in shame. However, a vast majority did not know the existence of this well-hidden club.

"Someone give me info on the whereabouts of this clubroom."

The intelligencer of the club, a year 1 student called Hirohito, showed everyone the map of the school "It was formally a tea club room but was vacant after the tea club disbanded. Last week while i was conducting espionage i chanced upon the NAACP members discussing in the clubroom. I hereby draw to the conclusion that the tea club room is their de facto venue of discussions.

The tea club room was detached physically from the rest of the school. Perfect for arson since it won't spread to the rest of the school and certainly not their club room.

"Alright guys! It's time to drain the swamp once and for all!" Hayama said as he grabbed a flamethrower. The others were also equipped with various tools. Hachiman was the newest member so he only got a pepper spray. This triggered him but nonetheless he was looking forward to Operation Torchdown.

Meanwhile, at the tea club room, the members of the NAACP were in deep debates over Marxism and the Communist manifesto, not knowing the fate that is about to hit their club.


End file.
